Here’s what I haven’t been writing about: I’ve been dating.

I know!

But here’s the thing about having a public blog: the women you date might read it. And I don’t want to create chaos or anxiety or any number of other stressful feelings. But on the other hand, I don’t want to censor myself. So I’ve come to a decision: I’m a writer. They know I’m a writer. What writers do, naturally, is write. They know I write a blog. So I’m going to write here about my dating, honestly and with care, but without too much censorship. Maybe if I get to something really tricky, I’ll password protect it.

So. Dating. Dating more than one woman.

I know!

Here’s how it happened. In September I moved to Pacifica, and within a week or so of moving here, I met a cool woman on the beach. We’ll call her RiotGirl. She and I hit it off, had an enjoyable conversation, and then, a week later, she invited me out with a bunch of her friends to an event I was already going to with another friend, so yay, we all went to the event. Then a week or so after that, she sent me a text message to tell me about the glowing waves, which is an amazing phenomenon that results when bioluminescent phytoplankton amass in the ocean: as the breakers crash in, it agitates them and they glow a bright neon turquoise. So of course I went to see and yes, awesome.

We met at the beach again for a walk one night, and looked at the stars and watched the fog roll in and talked and talked. I learned that she was queer, identifies as femme, was actively trying to date through an online dating site, had been in a relationship that broke her heart over a year ago, and had always dated butch women and transmen, and was trying to date femmes for a change.

I liked her. I figured I had made a new friend.

In early November we went to a women’s two-step country dance. She told me on the way there that she was seeing someone she was “kind of serious about.” So definitely, I thought, this is just a friendship. Awesome. Friendships are great . After the dance we went and got hamburgers at In-n-Out, read each other’s poetry, talked about writing and  feminism, and spirituality and all kinds of things.

While dancing I sort of flared up my knee, the one that still needs surgery following last spring’s adventures in klutziness (yes, I should have been wearing my knee brace while dancing. Next time…) and so I was limping a little as we left the dance. That was a Saturday night. Sunday I had church and stuff. Monday RiotGrrl called me as I was in pajamas and bed hair, making my first cup of tea for the day, and asked if she could come by. She brought be a red rose and a white lily, and a really sweet note, and she acted… shy.

Color me confused. That seemed a lot like something other than “just friends.”

Now, here comes the other part of this story.

The Sunday a week before the dance, I’d gone up to the San Francisco church (I attend the Peninsula congregation of the same denomination, Metropolitan Community Church) for the evening service, because my friend Victor was having his first night there as interim Minister of Music. And at that service I’d met this really cute femme woman — we’ll call her FunGlasses for her stylish eyewear — and she and I had hit it off and talked and talked until everyone else had left the church.

The next morning I’d gotten up very early to go to a counter protest of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church (if you squint, you can see me in those pics, with my turquoise hair, holding up one corner of a sign). So up I got early, and there was an email for me from FunGlasses, saying she didn’t know if I was interested or available, but she found me attractive (!!!) and wondered if I’d be interested in getting together some time.

I know!

Especially given that I’d parted from her the night before with a wistful and half-formed thought that ran something along the lines of Wow, she’s awesome. She’s probably got a girlfriend. Sigh. I’m such a coward, I didn’t even ask.

We made a date for dinner.

So the same Monday that RiotGrrl brought me flowers in the morning, I already had a date planned with Fun Glasses for the evening.

The date went very well.

We went to an Italian restaurant and talked non-stop over dinner, then came back to my place and talked and snuggled. We established that neither of us were ready for a committed relationship yet, but down the line we both hoped to find a long-term partner. That she was also seeing someone else. That we were both bisexual. And that we liked each other quite a bit so far.

There was kissing. And other forms of physical affection. *grin*

Then I gave her a ride home, and was so distracted on the way back that I took the wrong freeway turnoff and ended up at the airport.

While she was in my arms, I started to get a stuffy nose. By morning, I had a Full On Cold of Dewm.

I sent her an OMG I’m so sorry I think I exposed you to a cold email. And she expressed sympathy, and we agreed that we’d like to see each other again.

Thanksgiving happened. I still had the cold, but RiotGrrl, who lives a block and a half from me, persuaded me to come over and have dinner with her and her roommate and her roommate’s boyfriend. We had a fantastic time, laughing and talking and playing board games and MadLibs. RiotGrrl and I made plans to see each other in the following week for a movie. She was still acting strangely shy and coy, and I was definitely getting the mixed signals.

So when she came over for the movie a week later, I asked her point blank: are we dating, or are we just friends? And she said she would like it if we were dating, and she was glad I asked. So I asked about the woman she said she’d been feeling kind of serious about and she said she’d broken up with her, because the woman had expressed some transphobia, and RiotGrrl, having dated transmen, etc, does not put up with that.

I know!

So I said, look, I’m seeing someone else, too. And she said okay. And so…

That is how I have come to be dating two women at once, which is kind of crazy. I mean, really crazy.

I’ve been out with each of them again, most recently last week Wednesday with RiotGrrl, and last night with FunGlasses (FunGlasses and I were supposed to have had a date last Friday, but I caught another cold. So we postponed. I had a stuffy nose last night, but was past the acute phase.)

I’m still a little — no, a lot – flabbergasted that they’re, you know, attracted to me. Flabbergasted but completely delighted. And I really like them both. So.

So that’s what I’ve not been writing about.


~ by Nezu on 23 December 2010.

7 Responses to “Dating!”

  1. Awwwwwwww!

  2. Thanks for the update, and HOW HEALTHY to tell the truth to all and enjoy one another for what is …. being in the moment is such an awesome gift.

  3. Google ads fail right under the end of your article:
    Why Men Lose Interest: 10 Dangerous Mistakes Women Make That Ruin a Potential Relationship.

    Google homophobic? Hmmmm…..

    Aside from that, very awesome and thumbs up. You’re a great creative and interesting and fun lady, why in the world wouldn’t they be attracted to you? ❤

  4. Yay! I love hearing the story behind how its all happening. How cool!

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